"Well I've been talking a lot / I'm not saying much of anything."

Once upon a time, there used to be a television channel called MTV that showcased music videos, helped artists like Nirvana achieve rock immortality and basically, was all about getting good music out to people *cue Bowling for Soup's 1989 - "... There was U2 and Blondie / And music still on MTV"*.

Well, those days are long over. Today, MTV has churned out program after program of "reality television" and "popular culture" shows to appeal to younger audiences (read: more shallow, vapid and affluent tweens and teens glued to their television sets). Who doesn't remember watching such "amazing" and oh-so-entertaining gems such as Cribs, My Super-Sweet 16 (didn't you just love that show?) and Room Raiders. Oh yes, can't you remember the sweet, sweet days of your youth / tween-hood spent glued to the idiot box laughing at whiny, idiotic teenagers and equally whiny idiotic adults as they pranced around in front of film cameras, acting "cool"? Oh yes, MTV TV programs have certainly been some of the "highlights" of teen/tween television programming.

So, when I was trawling Perez Hilton for juicy gossip (don't judge me), I stumbled along a very interesting-sounding MTV show. 'Oh hello,' I thought to myself, 'what is this guido thing? Why are these chicks so tanned? Why do these muscular guys all look like greasy tools?' And so, thanks to my equally crazed friend Michelle, I was thrown into the orange, fist-pumping world of Jersey Shore *cue theme song*

This show was just one of those MTV classics that had audiences begging for more. The programs had a surefire recipe for success, with its perfect blend of egocentric, stuck-up young men and women eager to milk their 15 minutes of fame, controversial content and outpouring of criticism from everyone from pizza companies (Domino's) to politicians. Oh. Yes. The show basically takes 8 female and male "guidettes and guidos" ("guido" is a slang term for Italian Americans) from across the Eastern US and shoves them together for a month of partying, boozing and tanning at the Jersey Shore. Need I say more?

Mr Jackson (houseparent) on me watching Jersey Shore: I don't understand how [you] can enjoy watching something so dumb.

 Snooki. Short, orange, diva-tastic.

... I'm not even going to lie, I love the show. Hands down. Watching self-obsessed, flourescent youth go about creating drama or acting like life's one big party is extremely entertaining. There are just so many things to like. The names they give themselves, for instance - "The Situation"? "Snooki"? "JWoww?" Like, what planet are you people from? Or the fact that all the guys seem to want to do is pick fights, go to GTL (GYM-TANNING-LAUNDRY time - their everyday routine) and chase girls, while all the girls seem to want to do is party, hook-up with guys and go tanning. First class entertainment, right there.

But the best part of the show is the fact that it's produced so many quotable gems, such as

Mike "The Situation" : You have no game at all.

Vinny: Really? That’s not what your sister thinks

and

The Situation: I like my clothes like my women.. options.

Pauly D: You like your girls like your underwear.. dirty

Vinny: Guys with the blow-outs & the fake tans, & guys that wear lip-gloss & makeup, those aren't guidos, those are r******.

Angelina: I am all natural. I have real boobs. I have a nice fat ass. Look at this shit, I mean, come on, I'm hot. 

Pauly D: It's so hard to find a good man these days. That's why I date women

and my personal favourite:

Snooki: That's why I don't eat lobsters and s***, because they're still alive when you kill them.

So, there you have it. For all you of you out there who think that this might very well be the most watchable *COUGH* thing on the planet and live in the US/Canada, click here for all 8 episodes of wonderment and delight. 


Ohhh... brilliant.


Q: What do you call someone who raps?
A: A Rappist.

Man, I love my Calc class.

LL out. <3